








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 353 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1440 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,568 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 338 | 22% |
| Smokes | 264 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 311 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 655 | 42% |
Our logs show you have wasted $386,679 of utility $84 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 332 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chronic BLS (Big Load Syndrome) | 65% | 17 |
| #2 | Armor | 52% | 21 |
| #3 | ⇚SAILOR✪DANDY⇛ | 40% | 62 |
| #4 | KC Crusader | 39% | 33 |
| #5 | datpooo | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Armor | 52% | 21 |
| #3 | ⇚SAILOR✪DANDY⇛ | 40% | 62 |
| #4 | KC Crusader | 39% | 33 |
| #5 | datpooo | 35% | 17 |
| #6 | Big Boss | 35% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⇚SAILOR✪DANDY⇛ | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | KC Crusader | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | datpooo | 1 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Chronic BLS (Big Load Syndrome) | 1 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⇚SAILOR✪DANDY⇛ | 99 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #2 | Big Boss | 39 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | datpooo | 26 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #4 | KC Crusader | 21 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Chronic BLS (Big Load Syndrome) | 11 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chronic BLS (Big Load Syndrome) | +8.29 | 76 | 60 |
| #2 | ⇚SAILOR✪DANDY⇛ | +4.28 | 74 | 57 |
| #3 | datpooo | +2.32 | 51 | 35 |
| #4 | KC Crusader | +0.49 | 48 | 34 |
| #5 | Stayedsnake509 | -3.07 | 21 | 21 |





