








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 88 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
700 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,873 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 258 | 14% |
| Smokes | 474 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 761 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 380 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $140,285 of utility $59 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nox | 50% | 6 |
| #2 | Chupachu | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | Armor | 50% | 16 |
| #4 | datpooo | 50% | 26 |
| #5 | Big Boss | 49% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | ⇚SAILOR✪DANDY⇛ | 48% | 82 |
| #8 | Gods 1st Drunkest Driver | 40% | 15 |
| #9 | Stayedsnake509 | 39% | 33 |
| #10 | Chronic BLS (Big Load Syndrome) | 36% | 14 |
| #11 | Dr.Brick243 | 20% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⇚SAILOR✪DANDY⇛ | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | Big Boss | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Gods 1st Drunkest Driver | 1 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⇚SAILOR✪DANDY⇛ | 115 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #2 | Big Boss | 41 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #3 | datpooo | 40 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | 16bitfrost | 22 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | Chupachu | 21 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chupachu | +4.27 | 51 | 30 |
| #2 | ⇚SAILOR✪DANDY⇛ | +4.10 | 73 | 52 |
| #3 | datpooo | +2.88 | 54 | 37 |
| #4 | Chronic BLS (Big Load Syndrome) | +2.69 | 61 | 39 |
| #5 | Gods 1st Drunkest Driver | +0.56 | 24 | 24 |





