








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 635 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 634 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 66 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




41 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6290 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 35,986 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12452 | 35% |
| Smokes | 10215 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 5803 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 7516 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $992,815 of utility $61 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 187 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gum Cuzzler | 51% | 270 |
| #2 | BOBO | 49% | 45 |
| #3 | iCake | 48% | 405 |
| #4 | Inst1nctz | 48% | 108 |
| #5 | Rid3ordi3 | 48% | 447 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | BOBO | 49% | 45 |
| #3 | iCake | 48% | 405 |
| #4 | Inst1nctz | 48% | 108 |
| #5 | Rid3ordi3 | 48% | 447 |
| #6 | -[biqut2]- | 48% | 341 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | iCake | 23 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | Rid3ordi3 | 21 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Gum Cuzzler | 18 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Inst1nctz | 7 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | -[biqut2]- | 6 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rid3ordi3 | 1589 | 0.17 | 43 min |
| #2 | -[biqut2]- | 784 | 0.11 | 16 min |
| #3 | Gum Cuzzler | 685 | 0.12 | 18 min |
| #4 | iCake | 376 | 0.04 | 11 min |
| #5 | Inst1nctz | 325 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Inst1nctz | +1.89 | 79 | 54 |
| #2 | BOBO | +1.65 | 83 | 59 |
| #3 | Rid3ordi3 | +0.79 | 77 | 53 |
| #4 | Gum Cuzzler | +0.76 | 72 | 55 |
| #5 | iCake | +0.74 | 73 | 47 |





