








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 868 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 612 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6433 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,134 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6363 | 30% |
| Smokes | 6069 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 4181 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 4521 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,625,659 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 258 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BangBros.Inc | 52% | 192 |
| #2 | Gum Cuzzler | 51% | 284 |
| #3 | -[biqut2]- | 49% | 371 |
| #4 | B0WchickaW0W | 48% | 447 |
| #5 | iCake | 47% | 420 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | -[biqut2]- | 49% | 371 |
| #4 | B0WchickaW0W | 48% | 447 |
| #5 | iCake | 47% | 420 |
| #6 | BOBO | 47% | 45 |
| #7 | Inst1nctz | 43% | 113 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | iCake | 28 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | B0WchickaW0W | 19 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Gum Cuzzler | 18 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | BangBros.Inc | 18 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | Inst1nctz | 7 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | B0WchickaW0W | 2056 | 0.22 | 50 min |
| #2 | BangBros.Inc | 1074 | 0.26 | 27 min |
| #3 | Gum Cuzzler | 903 | 0.15 | 22 min |
| #4 | -[biqut2]- | 826 | 0.11 | 17 min |
| #5 | iCake | 398 | 0.04 | 11 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Inst1nctz | +1.28 | 77 | 53 |
| #2 | BOBO | +1.20 | 80 | 57 |
| #3 | Rid3ordi3 | +0.86 | 76 | 52 |
| #4 | Gum Cuzzler | +0.67 | 71 | 54 |
| #5 | iCake | +0.56 | 71 | 46 |





