








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 773 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 510 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




41 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4279 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,678 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2124 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2647 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1505 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1402 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,473,277 of utility $118 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 178 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | B0WchickaW0W | 48% | 405 |
| #2 | Gum Cuzzler | 48% | 218 |
| #3 | -[biqut2]- | 47% | 299 |
| #4 | Rid3ordi3 | 47% | 420 |
| #5 | Inst1nctz | 44% | 88 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Gum Cuzzler | 48% | 218 |
| #3 | -[biqut2]- | 47% | 299 |
| #4 | Rid3ordi3 | 47% | 420 |
| #5 | Inst1nctz | 44% | 88 |
| #6 | BangBros.Inc | 44% | 140 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rid3ordi3 | 28 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | B0WchickaW0W | 22 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | BangBros.Inc | 12 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | Gum Cuzzler | 11 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Inst1nctz | 8 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | B0WchickaW0W | 1913 | 0.22 | 48 min |
| #2 | Rid3ordi3 | 1596 | 0.18 | 44 min |
| #3 | BangBros.Inc | 818 | 0.27 | 20 min |
| #4 | Gum Cuzzler | 646 | 0.14 | 15 min |
| #5 | -[biqut2]- | 627 | 0.10 | 13 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Inst1nctz | +1.37 | 78 | 52 |
| #2 | Rid3ordi3 | +0.74 | 74 | 52 |
| #3 | iCake | +0.64 | 72 | 46 |
| #4 | Gum Cuzzler | +0.60 | 71 | 55 |
| #5 | BangBros.Inc | +0.16 | 77 | 69 |





