










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 117 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
225 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 487 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 136 | 28% |
| Smokes | 62 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 130 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 159 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $150,650 of utility $197 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Donnie | 41% | 27 |
| #7 | laa laa | 33% | 6 |
| #8 | T0NK4 C4T | 33% | 27 |
| #9 | SkibidiDabRizzler | 25% | 4 |
| #10 | UrMomGay | 25% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | T0NK4 C4T | 7 | 0.0127 |
| #2 | allu | 7 | 0.0245 |
| #3 | Donnie | 4 | 0.0072 |
| #4 | UrMomGay | 2 | 0.0086 |
| #5 | bradly | 1 | 0.0076 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donnie | 51 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #2 | T0NK4 C4T | 40 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #3 | allu | 36 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | UrMomGay | 24 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #5 | bradly | 21 | 0.16 | 0 min |





