








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 898 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 430 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3712 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,470 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2450 | 20% |
| Smokes | 4533 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 2668 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2819 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,201,215 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 400 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Styles | 64% | 33 |
| #2 | Old Jack | 54% | 70 |
| #3 | Ozempic Charmin Bear | 47% | 79 |
| #4 | Wiglet | 46% | 278 |
| #5 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 45% | 175 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Ozempic Charmin Bear | 47% | 79 |
| #4 | Wiglet | 46% | 278 |
| #5 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 45% | 175 |
| #6 | Big Hot Flaming Pots | 44% | 79 |
| #7 | Billie Peppers | 39% | 187 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 45 | 0.0120 |
| #2 | Billie Peppers | 16 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Big Hot Flaming Pots | 15 | 0.0094 |
| #4 | Ozempic Charmin Bear | 14 | 0.0085 |
| #5 | Wiglet | 11 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wiglet | 807 | 0.14 | 22 min |
| #2 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 431 | 0.12 | 12 min |
| #3 | Big Hot Flaming Pots | 233 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #4 | Old Jack | 130 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | Billie Peppers | 103 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Styles | +5.53 | 68 | 54 |
| #2 | Old Jack | +1.71 | 52 | 34 |
| #3 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | +1.51 | 44 | 47 |
| #4 | Big Hot Flaming Pots | +0.86 | 44 | 51 |
| #5 | Wiglet | +0.29 | 43 | 58 |





