








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 356 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 160 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




60 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1546 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 816 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 319 | 39% |
| Smokes | 214 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 151 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 132 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $396,827 of utility $69 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 986 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wiglet | 49% | 173 |
| #2 | BLUBBY | 47% | 79 |
| #3 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 47% | 75 |
| #4 | Big Hot Flaming Pots | 42% | 99 |
| #5 | Old Jack | 39% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | BLUBBY | 47% | 79 |
| #3 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 47% | 75 |
| #4 | Big Hot Flaming Pots | 42% | 99 |
| #5 | Old Jack | 39% | 59 |
| #6 | Billie Peppers | 36% | 104 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Big Hot Flaming Pots | 28 | 0.0142 |
| #2 | Billie Peppers | 21 | 0.0100 |
| #3 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 17 | 0.0109 |
| #4 | Old Jack | 17 | 0.0146 |
| #5 | BLUBBY | 13 | 0.0079 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wiglet | 455 | 0.13 | 12 min |
| #2 | Big Hot Flaming Pots | 271 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #3 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 174 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #4 | BLUBBY | 118 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Old Jack | 105 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Old Jack | +2.94 | 54 | 37 |
| #2 | Big Hot Flaming Pots | +2.81 | 50 | 56 |
| #3 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | +1.50 | 41 | 49 |
| #4 | Wiglet | +1.03 | 44 | 61 |
| #5 | Ozempic Charmin Bear | -0.16 | 37 | 11 |





