








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1540 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 817 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 80 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8141 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,372 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10214 | 42% |
| Smokes | 5429 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 6256 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2473 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,799,591 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 351 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Awppenheimer | 54% | 65 |
| #2 | D LOW | 49% | 173 |
| #3 | Old Jack | 48% | 129 |
| #4 | Esteemed Professor Chongo | 46% | 278 |
| #5 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 44% | 265 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Old Jack | 48% | 129 |
| #4 | Esteemed Professor Chongo | 46% | 278 |
| #5 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 44% | 265 |
| #6 | Rusty | 43% | 253 |
| #7 | yungflexagon | 39% | 250 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 54 | 0.0098 |
| #2 | Rusty | 52 | 0.0099 |
| #3 | yungflexagon | 33 | 0.0063 |
| #4 | D LOW | 22 | 0.0062 |
| #5 | Esteemed Professor Chongo | 20 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rusty | 779 | 0.15 | 21 min |
| #2 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 609 | 0.11 | 17 min |
| #3 | Esteemed Professor Chongo | 350 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #4 | Old Jack | 265 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #5 | yungflexagon | 88 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Awppenheimer | +4.09 | 63 | 56 |
| #2 | Old Jack | +1.24 | 55 | 39 |
| #3 | Rusty | +1.16 | 48 | 60 |
| #4 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | +0.79 | 44 | 51 |
| #5 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | +0.00 | 48 | 62 |





