








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 563 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 316 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 70 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




81 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2347 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,480 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 603 | 13% |
| Smokes | 504 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 1480 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1893 | 42% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,295,219 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 804 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Baby Jack | 53% | 30 |
| #2 | Good Jack | 47% | 51 |
| #3 | Old Jack | 40% | 124 |
| #4 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | 39% | 250 |
| #5 | Rusty | 39% | 106 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Rusty | 39% | 106 |
| #6 | Esteemed Professor Chongo | 39% | 187 |
| #7 | Evil Jack | 38% | 34 |
| #8 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 36% | 84 |
| #9 | D LOW | 36% | 104 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rusty | 39 | 0.0181 |
| #2 | D LOW | 33 | 0.0160 |
| #3 | Old Jack | 26 | 0.0106 |
| #4 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 23 | 0.0126 |
| #5 | Evil Jack | 17 | 0.0262 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | 589 | 0.11 | 16 min |
| #2 | Rusty | 287 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #3 | Old Jack | 273 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | Esteemed Professor Chongo | 258 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 219 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Baby Jack | +6.12 | 54 | 27 |
| #2 | Old Jack | +2.82 | 60 | 43 |
| #3 | Rusty | +2.49 | 48 | 59 |
| #4 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | +2.16 | 42 | 53 |
| #5 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | +1.43 | 48 | 63 |





