








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 966 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 117 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




66 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3191 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,688 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2741 | 41% |
| Smokes | 1062 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 2222 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 663 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,992,552 of utility $225 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1391 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Baby Jack | 56% | 113 |
| #2 | Esteemed Professor Chongo | 54% | 70 |
| #3 | Awppenheimer | 49% | 35 |
| #4 | Good Jack | 48% | 130 |
| #5 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | 48% | 129 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Scorch65 | 43% | 61 |
| #8 | Evil Jack | 42% | 67 |
| #9 | yungflexagon | 40% | 124 |
| #10 | D LOW | 39% | 59 |
| #11 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 38% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rusty | 54 | 0.0150 |
| #2 | Evil Jack | 45 | 0.0344 |
| #3 | Good Jack | 38 | 0.0151 |
| #4 | yungflexagon | 31 | 0.0126 |
| #5 | D LOW | 24 | 0.0216 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rusty | 516 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #2 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | 246 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #3 | Evil Jack | 210 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | Good Jack | 208 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | Esteemed Professor Chongo | 64 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Baby Jack | +4.40 | 56 | 25 |
| #2 | Awppenheimer | +3.15 | 62 | 53 |
| #3 | Old Jack | +2.06 | 58 | 40 |
| #4 | Rusty | +1.73 | 52 | 59 |
| #5 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | +0.98 | 53 | 62 |





