








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1990 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 701 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 57 matches | ||
| Wingman | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 501 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




117 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8282 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 34,721 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9344 | 27% |
| Smokes | 8879 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 7035 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 9463 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,073,725 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6759 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Esteemed Professor Chongo | 44% | 79 |
| #9 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | 43% | 253 |
| #10 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 43% | 89 |
| #11 | D LOW | 42% | 99 |
| #12 | yungflexagon | 39% | 106 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | D LOW | 31 | 0.0163 |
| #2 | Old Jack | 27 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | yungflexagon | 25 | 0.0116 |
| #4 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 18 | 0.0103 |
| #5 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | 15 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | 566 | 0.11 | 15 min |
| #2 | Old Jack | 266 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #3 | Awppenheimer | 242 | 0.04 | 6 min |
| #4 | HENDOxo | 230 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #5 | [NCG]hockeyjoe5 | 160 | 0.09 | 4 min |





