








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 270 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2408 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,145 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1190 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1092 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 708 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1155 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $508,454 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 107 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| 48% | 21 | ||
| 47% | 15 | ||
| #10 | hot titties | 42% | 12 |
| 38% | 24 | ||
| #12 | YungBloodShitta24k | 35% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| 10 | 0.0364 | ||
| #2 | Deadly | 9 | 0.0163 |
| #3 | cur1ous | 4 | 0.0043 |
| 4 | 0.0125 | ||
| #5 | Bear onna board | 3 | 0.0071 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cur1ous | 134 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| 110 | 0.13 | 3 min | ||
| 108 | 0.39 | 0 min | ||
| 61 | 0.14 | 1 min | ||
| 54 | 0.17 | 1 min |





