








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 10 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1099 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 725 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 149 | 21% |
| Smokes | 247 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 167 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 162 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $196,701 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 43 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| 69% | 16 | ||
| #2 | Deadly | 57% | 23 |
| 55% | 31 | ||
| #4 | Bear onna board | 53% | 19 |
| #5 | Ikigami | 50% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| 7 | 0.0458 | ||
| 6 | 0.0197 | ||
| 5 | 0.0081 | ||
| #4 | klyE | 4 | 0.0100 |
| #5 | Deadly | 2 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 118 | 0.39 | 1 min | ||
| 103 | 0.17 | 2 min | ||
| #3 | klyE | 42 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| 38 | 0.25 | 0 min | ||
| #5 | Bear onna board | 37 | 0.11 | 1 min |





