








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 236 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 109 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 47 matches | ||
| Faceit | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4035 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,130 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4031 | 33% |
| Smokes | 3506 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1925 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2668 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,189,322 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 321 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Way | 55% | 47 |
| #2 | klyE | 55% | 49 |
| #3 | MenTaL | 55% | 77 |
| #4 | ricky | 54% | 54 |
| #5 | Professor Cow | 54% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Deadly | 45% | 62 |
| #12 | gloop | 44% | 34 |
| #13 | Splatmonkey14 | 43% | 77 |
| #14 | MBowers | 36% | 44 |
| #15 | Bear onna board | 35% | 31 |





