








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 23 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1052 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 558 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 133 | 24% |
| Smokes | 194 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 155 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 76 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $145,115 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 35 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | klyE | 42% | 12 |
| 39% | 33 | ||
| #7 | Bear onna board | 35% | 17 |
| 34% | 29 | ||
| 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| 16 | 0.0322 | ||
| #2 | Bear onna board | 6 | 0.0202 |
| 6 | 0.0408 | ||
| 5 | 0.0087 | ||
| #5 | Deadly | 5 | 0.0203 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 179 | 0.36 | 1 min | ||
| 73 | 0.13 | 2 min | ||
| 62 | 0.34 | 0 min | ||
| 62 | 0.42 | 0 min | ||
| #5 | klyE | 26 | 0.14 | 1 min |





