








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 390 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1925 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,563 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 287 | 11% |
| Smokes | 941 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 779 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 556 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $345,966 of utility $86 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 362 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rusty | 71% | 31 |
| #2 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | 70% | 23 |
| #3 | Old Jack | 56% | 113 |
| #4 | yungflexagon | 53% | 30 |
| #5 | Good Jack | 49% | 132 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Old Jack | 56% | 113 |
| #4 | yungflexagon | 53% | 30 |
| #5 | Good Jack | 49% | 132 |
| #6 | Scorch65 | 44% | 25 |
| #7 | Evil Jack | 43% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Good Jack | 43 | 0.0168 |
| #2 | Evil Jack | 29 | 0.0236 |
| #3 | Old Jack | 23 | 0.0103 |
| #4 | Rusty | 14 | 0.0214 |
| #5 | yungflexagon | 8 | 0.0137 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Evil Jack | 256 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #2 | Old Jack | 192 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | Good Jack | 187 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | Rusty | 103 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #5 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | 32 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Baby Jack | +4.38 | 57 | 29 |
| #2 | Old Jack | +2.37 | 56 | 41 |
| #3 | Rusty | +1.35 | 59 | 61 |
| #4 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | +0.20 | 50 | 64 |
| #5 | Good Jack | -0.49 | 49 | 23 |





