








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 605 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 55 matches | ||
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




92 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2088 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,226 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1117 | 35% |
| Smokes | 1022 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 512 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 575 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $689,949 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 278 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | 55% | 29 |
| #2 | Rusty | 54% | 28 |
| #3 | Scorch65 | 51% | 37 |
| #4 | Baby Jack | 49% | 132 |
| #5 | Old Jack | 48% | 130 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Scorch65 | 51% | 37 |
| #4 | Baby Jack | 49% | 132 |
| #5 | Old Jack | 48% | 130 |
| #6 | yungflexagon | 47% | 51 |
| #7 | Evil Jack | 38% | 202 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Evil Jack | 99 | 0.0260 |
| #2 | Old Jack | 25 | 0.0097 |
| #3 | Baby Jack | 23 | 0.0090 |
| #4 | yungflexagon | 12 | 0.0120 |
| #5 | Rusty | 10 | 0.0180 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Evil Jack | 770 | 0.20 | 12 min |
| #2 | Old Jack | 270 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #3 | Rusty | 111 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #4 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | 59 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | Baby Jack | 50 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Baby Jack | +4.77 | 57 | 28 |
| #2 | Old Jack | +2.61 | 57 | 41 |
| #3 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | +2.60 | 55 | 59 |
| #4 | Rusty | +2.59 | 55 | 61 |
| #5 | Good Jack | +0.04 | 50 | 28 |





