








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
305 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 765 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 77 | 10% |
| Smokes | 222 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 184 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 282 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $107,832 of utility $74 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Good Jack | 51% | 37 |
| #2 | Evil Jack | 48% | 21 |
| #3 | Baby Jack | 44% | 25 |
| #4 | yungflexagon | 43% | 21 |
| #5 | Old Jack | 43% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Evil Jack | 11 | 0.0266 |
| #2 | Rusty | 11 | 0.0326 |
| #3 | Baby Jack | 10 | 0.0204 |
| #4 | Good Jack | 9 | 0.0127 |
| #5 | yungflexagon | 9 | 0.0221 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Old Jack | 110 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #2 | Evil Jack | 59 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #3 | Good Jack | 55 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | Rusty | 36 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | 11 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Baby Jack | +5.44 | 55 | 22 |
| #2 | Old Jack | +2.98 | 54 | 42 |
| #3 | PegLovesFaultyProstates | +1.63 | 42 | 56 |
| #4 | Rusty | +0.88 | 38 | 57 |
| #5 | Good Jack | +0.14 | 52 | 23 |





