








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
272 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 578 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 203 | 35% |
| Smokes | 102 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 131 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 142 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $87,127 of utility $56 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | beat | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | Fat Bitch | 58% | 12 |
| #3 | Sussyballs | 50% | 46 |
| #4 | PreppieAcorn78 | 45% | 29 |
| #5 | Mr.NiceGuy | 39% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Sussyballs | 50% | 46 |
| #4 | PreppieAcorn78 | 45% | 29 |
| #5 | Mr.NiceGuy | 39% | 46 |
| #6 | Archetype | 30% | 10 |
| #7 | swasher | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.NiceGuy | 11 | 0.0131 |
| #2 | PreppieAcorn78 | 10 | 0.0188 |
| #3 | Fat Bitch | 4 | 0.0185 |
| #4 | beat | 3 | 0.0309 |
| #5 | Sussyballs | 2 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.NiceGuy | 54 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #2 | Sussyballs | 50 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | PreppieAcorn78 | 32 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Fat Bitch | 18 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #5 | beat | 9 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.NiceGuy | +11.56 | 84 | 64 |
| #2 | Fat Bitch | +10.75 | 76 | 52 |
| #3 | beat | +8.38 | 75 | 24 |
| #4 | Sussyballs | +4.53 | 47 | 51 |
| #5 | swasher | -1.45 | 70 | 44 |





