








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 20 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 37 matches | ||
| Premier | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




47 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1284 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,025 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1179 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2011 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 951 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 884 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $950,285 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 228 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sussyballs | 59% | 86 |
| #2 | Levi | 52% | 56 |
| #3 | Mr.NiceGuy | 51% | 99 |
| #4 | Fat Bitch | 50% | 28 |
| #5 | lonely | 49% | 105 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Olive_Leaf | 45% | 29 |
| #8 | Hero_Elementz | 42% | 19 |
| #9 | Tee | 42% | 107 |
| #10 | tang | 40% | 110 |
| #11 | Bobert | 38% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.NiceGuy | 25 | 0.0130 |
| #2 | Olive_Leaf | 19 | 0.0365 |
| #3 | lonely | 16 | 0.0075 |
| #4 | tang | 11 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | Tee | 11 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tang | 196 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #2 | Mr.NiceGuy | 143 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #3 | Sussyballs | 95 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | Tee | 71 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Bobert | 71 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.NiceGuy | +7.80 | 73 | 61 |
| #2 | Fat Bitch | +5.65 | 69 | 51 |
| #3 | lonely | +3.86 | 80 | 12 |
| #4 | tang | +3.73 | 78 | 67 |
| #5 | Hero_Elementz | +2.55 | 27 | 21 |





