








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 83 matches | ||
| Faceit | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2822 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,780 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2724 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2037 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2127 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1892 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $630,840 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 37 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John, Goon | 55% | 132 |
| #2 | Zeej | 52% | 108 |
| #3 | 4 | 51% | 179 |
| #4 | w1tchfind3r | 50% | 127 |
| #5 | on jah its getting freaky | 48% | 188 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Zeej | 52% | 108 |
| #3 | 4 | 51% | 179 |
| #4 | w1tchfind3r | 50% | 127 |
| #5 | on jah its getting freaky | 48% | 188 |
| #6 | M- | 44% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | on jah its getting freaky | 27 | 0.0072 |
| #2 | Zeej | 12 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | John, Goon | 9 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | 4 | 8 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | M- | 4 | 0.0055 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | on jah its getting freaky | 536 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #2 | 4 | 490 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #3 | John, Goon | 470 | 0.17 | 11 min |
| #4 | Zeej | 243 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #5 | w1tchfind3r | 181 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zeej | +2.50 | 80 | 55 |
| #2 | 4 | +2.45 | 78 | 71 |
| #3 | M- | +1.63 | 79 | 64 |
| #4 | b0nes | -0.30 | 81 | 64 |
| #5 | John, Goon | -0.35 | 75 | 62 |





