








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 34 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 137 matches | ||
| Faceit | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




52 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4111 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,095 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3041 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2810 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2176 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2068 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,316,554 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 69 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John, Goon | 58% | 198 |
| #2 | 4 | 57% | 268 |
| #3 | w1tchfind3r | 55% | 224 |
| #4 | on jah its getting freaky | 53% | 257 |
| #5 | b0nes | 52% | 108 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | 4 | 57% | 268 |
| #3 | w1tchfind3r | 55% | 224 |
| #4 | on jah its getting freaky | 53% | 257 |
| #5 | b0nes | 52% | 108 |
| #6 | M- | 31% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | on jah its getting freaky | 28 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | John, Goon | 25 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | 4 | 18 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | w1tchfind3r | 15 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | b0nes | 14 | 0.0062 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 4 | 906 | 0.16 | 25 min |
| #2 | John, Goon | 810 | 0.20 | 19 min |
| #3 | on jah its getting freaky | 790 | 0.15 | 18 min |
| #4 | w1tchfind3r | 528 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| #5 | b0nes | 352 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zeej | +2.72 | 81 | 55 |
| #2 | 4 | +2.01 | 74 | 71 |
| #3 | M- | +0.83 | 76 | 64 |
| #4 | b0nes | -0.56 | 79 | 64 |
| #5 | John, Goon | -0.71 | 71 | 62 |





