








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 27 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 161 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 38 matches | ||
| Faceit | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




66 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4341 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,877 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4046 | 37% |
| Smokes | 1946 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 2934 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1951 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,521,549 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 116 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John, Goon | 57% | 172 |
| #2 | 4 | 55% | 274 |
| #3 | w1tchfind3r | 53% | 279 |
| #4 | Zeej | 53% | 257 |
| #5 | b0nes | 48% | 188 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | 4 | 55% | 274 |
| #3 | w1tchfind3r | 53% | 279 |
| #4 | Zeej | 53% | 257 |
| #5 | b0nes | 48% | 188 |
| #6 | M- | 45% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zeej | 37 | 0.0070 |
| #2 | b0nes | 31 | 0.0082 |
| #3 | 4 | 21 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | John, Goon | 17 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | w1tchfind3r | 16 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 4 | 845 | 0.16 | 23 min |
| #2 | Zeej | 741 | 0.14 | 19 min |
| #3 | John, Goon | 612 | 0.17 | 14 min |
| #4 | w1tchfind3r | 584 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| #5 | b0nes | 567 | 0.15 | 15 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zeej | +2.74 | 79 | 54 |
| #2 | 4 | +2.70 | 77 | 70 |
| #3 | M- | +2.05 | 78 | 64 |
| #4 | John, Goon | -0.02 | 74 | 61 |
| #5 | b0nes | -0.17 | 81 | 62 |





