








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 26 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 98 matches | ||
| Faceit | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3200 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,824 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3643 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2741 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 4031 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2409 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $878,463 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 92 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | w1tchfind3r | 61% | 183 |
| #2 | 4 | 60% | 260 |
| #3 | M- | 59% | 22 |
| #4 | Zeej | 58% | 198 |
| #5 | on jah its getting freaky | 57% | 172 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | 4 | 60% | 260 |
| #3 | M- | 59% | 22 |
| #4 | Zeej | 58% | 198 |
| #5 | on jah its getting freaky | 57% | 172 |
| #6 | b0nes | 55% | 132 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zeej | 22 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | on jah its getting freaky | 22 | 0.0062 |
| #3 | 4 | 18 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | w1tchfind3r | 13 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | b0nes | 9 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 4 | 890 | 0.16 | 25 min |
| #2 | Zeej | 532 | 0.13 | 14 min |
| #3 | on jah its getting freaky | 528 | 0.15 | 11 min |
| #4 | b0nes | 416 | 0.15 | 12 min |
| #5 | w1tchfind3r | 396 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zeej | +2.64 | 82 | 57 |
| #2 | 4 | +2.40 | 73 | 73 |
| #3 | M- | +1.43 | 81 | 68 |
| #4 | John, Goon | -0.10 | 74 | 62 |
| #5 | b0nes | -0.12 | 79 | 67 |





