








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 410 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 147 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 36 matches | ||
| Premier | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2138 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,655 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 249 | 5% |
| Smokes | 4073 | 87% |
| HE Grenades | 101 | 2% |
| Molotovs | 232 | 5% |
Our logs show you have wasted $427,856 of utility $51 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 49 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Gabe | 43% | 187 |
| #9 | Worlds worst HOI4 Player | 43% | 214 |
| #10 | Not Bibo | 42% | 108 |
| #11 | jedi_bk | 42% | 65 |
| #12 | TilGoblin | 30% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ordinatis | 28 | 0.0069 |
| #2 | Legal Name | 19 | 0.0062 |
| #3 | Worlds worst HOI4 Player | 16 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | Not Bibo | 12 | 0.0057 |
| #5 | FL45H | 12 | 0.0095 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Legal Name | 812 | 0.27 | 20 min |
| #2 | Ordinatis | 673 | 0.17 | 17 min |
| #3 | Worlds worst HOI4 Player | 364 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #4 | Gabe | 345 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #5 | jedi_bk | 213 | 0.18 | 6 min |





