








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
997 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,596 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 438 | 27% |
| Smokes | 463 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 420 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 275 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $157,111 of utility $38 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 159 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Gabe | 41% | 153 |
| #10 | Worlds worst HOI4 Player | 37% | 65 |
| #11 | Legal Name | 36% | 22 |
| #12 | TilGoblin | 36% | 25 |
| #13 | FL45H | 33% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ordinatis | 9 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | Legal Name | 7 | 0.0166 |
| #3 | Worlds worst HOI4 Player | 5 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | TilGoblin | 4 | 0.0087 |
| #5 | Gabe | 3 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ordinatis | 252 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #2 | Gabe | 204 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #3 | jedi_bk | 126 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #4 | Worlds worst HOI4 Player | 115 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Legal Name | 94 | 0.22 | 2 min |





