








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 22 matches | ||
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1852 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,040 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1409 | 46% |
| Smokes | 477 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 448 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 706 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $757,060 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 37 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | jedi_bk | 39% | 49 |
| #7 | TilGoblin | 38% | 34 |
| #8 | Legal Name | 37% | 46 |
| #9 | Worlds worst HOI4 Player | 35% | 94 |
| #10 | FL45H | 33% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Not Bibo | 26 | 0.0088 |
| #2 | Ordinatis | 12 | 0.0079 |
| #3 | Legal Name | 12 | 0.0127 |
| #4 | Worlds worst HOI4 Player | 6 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | TilGoblin | 6 | 0.0091 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Legal Name | 314 | 0.33 | 8 min |
| #2 | Ordinatis | 236 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #3 | Worlds worst HOI4 Player | 159 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | jedi_bk | 156 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #5 | Not Bibo | 128 | 0.04 | 2 min |





