








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 978 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 426 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 124 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 116 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 238 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4792 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,660 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5437 | 24% |
| Smokes | 6623 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 7306 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 3294 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,567,052 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2175 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Luigi | 42% | 66 |
| #2 | Theodore Bagwell | 40% | 322 |
| #3 | Ted Kaczynski | 39% | 454 |
| #4 | Sandy Cheeks | 38% | 174 |
| #5 | I STAND WITH BIG TOBACCO | 37% | 131 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | I STAND WITH BIG TOBACCO | 37% | 131 |
| #6 | AWPenheimer | 37% | 60 |
| #7 | 𝔴𝔲𝔷𝔦 ⁴⁰² | 35% | 126 |
| #8 | The Rat | 28% | 116 |
| #9 | bractea | 25% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ted Kaczynski | 118 | 0.0130 |
| #2 | Theodore Bagwell | 110 | 0.0170 |
| #3 | Luigi | 79 | 0.0644 |
| #4 | 𝔴𝔲𝔷𝔦 ⁴⁰² | 42 | 0.0171 |
| #5 | Sandy Cheeks | 28 | 0.0082 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ted Kaczynski | 1108 | 0.12 | 24 min |
| #2 | Theodore Bagwell | 1072 | 0.17 | 22 min |
| #3 | Sandy Cheeks | 420 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #4 | I STAND WITH BIG TOBACCO | 400 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #5 | The Rat | 392 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I STAND WITH BIG TOBACCO | +4.60 | 74 | 61 |
| #2 | Luigi | +4.58 | 59 | 37 |
| #3 | 𝔴𝔲𝔷𝔦 ⁴⁰² | +2.81 | 60 | 59 |
| #4 | Sandy Cheeks | +2.81 | 61 | 60 |
| #5 | AWPenheimer | +1.41 | 44 | 57 |





