








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 191 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 191 matches | ||
| Faceit | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1974 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,258 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1286 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1472 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1641 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1859 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,312,386 of utility $177 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 194 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeebs | 60% | 70 |
| #2 | sauce | 54% | 61 |
| #3 | Matty | 49% | 169 |
| #4 | Ernie | 47% | 291 |
| #5 | Pikachu2342 | 46% | 199 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Matty | 49% | 169 |
| #4 | Ernie | 47% | 291 |
| #5 | Pikachu2342 | 46% | 199 |
| #6 | merkki | 46% | 254 |
| #7 | Jeebs | 44% | 144 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Matty | 20 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | merkki | 13 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Pikachu2342 | 11 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Jeebs | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Ernie | 2 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeebs | 987 | 0.32 | 32 min |
| #2 | merkki | 872 | 0.16 | 24 min |
| #3 | Ernie | 804 | 0.13 | 19 min |
| #4 | Jeebs | 465 | 0.34 | 16 min |
| #5 | Pikachu2342 | 307 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeebs | +2.05 | 85 | 75 |
| #2 | Jeebs | +1.60 | 82 | 74 |
| #3 | merkki | +1.49 | 69 | 69 |
| #4 | sauce | +0.98 | 67 | 57 |
| #5 | Matty | +0.95 | 77 | 61 |





