








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 430 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 177 matches | ||
| Faceit | 154 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3750 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,276 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5061 | 33% |
| Smokes | 3187 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 3133 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3895 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $901,389 of utility $105 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 327 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 2step | 68% | 22 |
| #2 | essentially ape | 64% | 33 |
| #3 | Mr tacs | 58% | 57 |
| #4 | Jeebs | 56% | 64 |
| #5 | Ernie | 51% | 312 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Matty | 50% | 189 |
| #7 | Pikachu2342 | 50% | 151 |
| #8 | sauce | 49% | 116 |
| #9 | Jeebs | 48% | 141 |
| #10 | woop woop | 46% | 254 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Matty | 15 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | woop woop | 9 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Pikachu2342 | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | sauce | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Ernie | 2 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeebs | 958 | 0.32 | 31 min |
| #2 | Ernie | 831 | 0.13 | 21 min |
| #3 | Jeebs | 493 | 0.43 | 19 min |
| #4 | sauce | 378 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #5 | woop woop | 278 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | essentially ape | +2.30 | 75 | 64 |
| #2 | Jeebs | +2.25 | 83 | 76 |
| #3 | 2step | +1.83 | 91 | 44 |
| #4 | Jeebs | +1.58 | 85 | 75 |
| #5 | merkki | +1.42 | 69 | 69 |





