








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 202 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 98 matches | ||
| Faceit | 82 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 44 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2338 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,685 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1524 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2101 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1606 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2454 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $930,391 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 135 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeebs | 67% | 36 |
| #2 | Mr tacs | 59% | 29 |
| #3 | Ernie | 53% | 206 |
| #4 | Pikachu2342 | 53% | 116 |
| #5 | merkki | 50% | 189 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Pikachu2342 | 53% | 116 |
| #5 | merkki | 50% | 189 |
| #6 | sauce | 49% | 45 |
| #7 | woop woop | 49% | 169 |
| #8 | Jeebs | 44% | 105 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pikachu2342 | 10 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | merkki | 9 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | woop woop | 8 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | sauce | 4 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | Jeebs | 3 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeebs | 761 | 0.34 | 24 min |
| #2 | merkki | 619 | 0.16 | 18 min |
| #3 | Ernie | 530 | 0.12 | 14 min |
| #4 | Jeebs | 344 | 0.48 | 13 min |
| #5 | woop woop | 192 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeebs | +1.86 | 85 | 77 |
| #2 | merkki | +1.32 | 70 | 71 |
| #3 | Matty | +1.09 | 78 | 61 |
| #4 | Jeebs | +1.01 | 80 | 75 |
| #5 | sauce | +0.80 | 58 | 59 |





