








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 27 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Wingman | 21 matches | ||
| Faceit | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
798 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,435 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 475 | 20% |
| Smokes | 529 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 684 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 747 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $175,604 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AlphaM | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | Liam [95th] | 67% | 18 |
| #3 | DON'T DIE (That'dBeEmbarrassing) | 65% | 20 |
| #4 | Roadman Formless | 60% | 10 |
| #5 | Blizzard | 59% | 105 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Roadman Formless | 60% | 10 |
| #5 | Blizzard | 59% | 105 |
| #6 | Joe | 55% | 40 |
| #7 | LUM | 53% | 36 |
| #8 | Skrrtle | 40% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blizzard | 13 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | LUM | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | DON'T DIE (That'dBeEmbarrassing) | 2 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | Liam [95th] | 2 | 0.0054 |
| #5 | Skrrtle | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blizzard | 247 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #2 | LUM | 171 | 0.24 | 5 min |
| #3 | Joe | 166 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #4 | DON'T DIE (That'dBeEmbarrassing) | 58 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | Liam [95th] | 45 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blizzard | +5.25 | 86 | 66 |
| #2 | AlphaM | +3.63 | 83 | 46 |
| #3 | Roadman Formless | +1.85 | 87 | 67 |
| #4 | Skrrtle | +1.70 | 85 | 50 |
| #5 | LUM | +0.68 | 73 | 71 |





