








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 90 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
652 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,302 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 311 | 24% |
| Smokes | 270 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 387 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 334 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $305,269 of utility $257 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 108 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LUM | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | jorge (new audio settings) | 75% | 4 |
| #3 | Blizzard | 48% | 25 |
| #4 | gommru | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | Sand Paper Fleshlight | 40% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Sand Paper Fleshlight | 40% | 15 |
| #6 | Roadman Formless | 33% | 3 |
| #7 | Crush (Louis) | 33% | 3 |
| #8 | Dollar Tree Headset | 25% | 12 |
| #9 | ★ tidz | 25% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blizzard | 4 | 0.0075 |
| #2 | gommru | 2 | 0.0105 |
| #3 | Sand Paper Fleshlight | 1 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | ★ tidz | 1 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blizzard | 77 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #2 | ★ tidz | 26 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | Sand Paper Fleshlight | 22 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Dollar Tree Headset | 22 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | gommru | 20 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blizzard | +2.75 | 78 | 67 |
| #2 | LUM | +1.67 | 58 | 80 |
| #3 | Dollar Tree Headset | +1.39 | 74 | 50 |
| #4 | Skrrtle | +0.98 | 81 | 43 |
| #5 | gommru | +0.71 | 78 | 60 |





