








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 429 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 341 matches | ||
| Faceit | 183 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6468 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,054 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4593 | 23% |
| Smokes | 6874 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 4169 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 4418 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,960,295 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 70 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 2step | 65% | 74 |
| #2 | AubSauce | 61% | 33 |
| #3 | irish | 58% | 66 |
| #4 | Pikachu2342 | 57% | 37 |
| #5 | BABS4088 | 55% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | BooskiBro | 52% | 169 |
| #13 | Lou Sputthole | 52% | 240 |
| #14 | Ernie | 51% | 84 |
| #15 | merkki | 49% | 116 |
| #16 | Matty | 49% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lou Sputthole | 9 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | BooskiBro | 5 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | essentially ape | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | woop woop | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Ernie | 2 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | essentially ape | 673 | 0.20 | 16 min |
| #2 | BooskiBro | 613 | 0.17 | 18 min |
| #3 | Lou Sputthole | 560 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #4 | merkki | 386 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #5 | irish | 290 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | essentially ape | +2.19 | 73 | 63 |
| #2 | BooskiBro | +1.60 | 63 | 76 |
| #3 | sauce | +1.60 | 67 | 58 |
| #4 | merkki | +1.55 | 68 | 72 |
| #5 | 2step | +1.54 | 86 | 51 |





