








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 985 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 628 matches | ||
| Wingman | 94 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 23 different maps





Our logs show 60 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




89 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6266 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 36,304 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12433 | 34% |
| Smokes | 9259 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 9203 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 5409 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,701,926 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 521 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | mikken | 47% | 617 |
| #4 | dahling | 46% | 309 |
| #5 | Flippy | 42% | 198 |
| #6 | soveg | 42% | 105 |
| #7 | iamTJ | 41% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mikken | 113 | 0.0087 |
| #2 | Anders | 62 | 0.0118 |
| #3 | Flippy | 25 | 0.0062 |
| #4 | dahling | 24 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | iamTJ | 5 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mikken | 1160 | 0.09 | 25 min |
| #2 | dahling | 729 | 0.11 | 17 min |
| #3 | Anders | 288 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #4 | iamTJ | 153 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | soveg | 149 | 0.07 | 2 min |





