








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 167 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1128 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,593 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1223 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1528 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 768 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1074 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $497,946 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 162 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jesus | 63% | 16 |
| #2 | Harryw007 | 55% | 11 |
| #3 | Dwcollier | 53% | 15 |
| #4 | CowardlyPancakes | 52% | 52 |
| #5 | Rasta Smurf | 49% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Rasta Smurf | 49% | 53 |
| #6 | StabbingFrenchToast | 46% | 125 |
| #7 | Than0s | 45% | 104 |
| #8 | PiggyPlayz | 44% | 55 |
| #9 | Bro ;-; | 42% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | StabbingFrenchToast | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | PiggyPlayz | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | CowardlyPancakes | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Rasta Smurf | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | Bro ;-; | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Than0s | 253 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #2 | StabbingFrenchToast | 217 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #3 | CowardlyPancakes | 105 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | PiggyPlayz | 58 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Bro ;-; | 51 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rasta Smurf | +4.84 | 64 | 44 |
| #2 | Jesus | +3.48 | 57 | 38 |
| #3 | Dwcollier | +1.59 | 72 | 43 |
| #4 | CowardlyPancakes | +0.17 | 51 | 54 |
| #5 | StabbingFrenchToast | -0.08 | 58 | 55 |





