








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1453 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,543 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 990 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1430 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1136 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 987 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $173,629 of utility $63 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Granny | 76% | 21 |
| #2 | ButtonMasher99 | 69% | 16 |
| #3 | divorced dad | 55% | 56 |
| #4 | π·ππππππ | 48% | 33 |
| #5 | Granny | 43% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ππππ€ | 4 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | πΈπππ¦ | 3 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | π·ππππππ | 3 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | Granny | 2 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | Granny | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Granny | 64 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #2 | ππππ€ | 48 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | divorced dad | 40 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | π·ππππππ | 26 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | ButtonMasher99 | 25 | 0.07 | 1 min |





