








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 73 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 167 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 89 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4061 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,368 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3542 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4757 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3096 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 4973 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $809,477 of utility $67 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 591 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | π·ππππππ | 64% | 229 |
| #2 | Granny | 63% | 43 |
| #3 | GamerDad | 61% | 244 |
| #4 | πΈπππ¦ | 61% | 254 |
| #5 | Granny | 57% | 88 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | GamerDad | 61% | 244 |
| #4 | πΈπππ¦ | 61% | 254 |
| #5 | Granny | 57% | 88 |
| #6 | divorced dad | 52% | 139 |
| #7 | Gramps | 43% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | π·ππππππ | 27 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | GamerDad | 16 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | Granny | 8 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | πΈπππ¦ | 7 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | divorced dad | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GamerDad | 423 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #2 | π·ππππππ | 218 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #3 | Granny | 102 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | Gramps | 92 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | Granny | 74 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | π·ππππππ | +4.02 | 54 | 49 |
| #2 | GamerDad | +3.88 | 61 | 61 |
| #3 | Granny | +3.13 | 64 | 54 |
| #4 | Granny | +2.70 | 59 | 54 |
| #5 | Gramps | +1.80 | 59 | 63 |





