








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 45 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
894 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,629 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 663 | 25% |
| Smokes | 701 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 596 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 669 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $205,333 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jacob | 63% | 35 |
| #2 | Blaine | 63% | 8 |
| #3 | CK | 60% | 5 |
| #4 | William | 60% | 10 |
| #5 | Kranoli | 59% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | William | 60% | 10 |
| #5 | Kranoli | 59% | 17 |
| #6 | Antifa Super Soldier | 58% | 12 |
| #7 | sunZHU | 50% | 10 |
| #8 | you know i keep that thang on me | 44% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jacob | 3 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jacob | 146 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #2 | William | 80 | 0.37 | 2 min |
| #3 | Kranoli | 41 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | sunZHU | 26 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | Blaine | 16 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | William | +3.49 | 90 | 65 |
| #2 | sunZHU | +2.17 | 92 | 56 |
| #3 | Kranoli | +1.99 | 78 | 66 |
| #4 | Jacob | +1.58 | 79 | 57 |
| #5 | Antifa Super Soldier | +0.68 | 68 | 37 |





