








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1096 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,071 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1818 | 36% |
| Smokes | 959 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1650 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 644 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $482,533 of utility $131 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Not Bibo | 43% | 40 |
| #10 | Ringing Rabbit | 42% | 65 |
| #11 | Gabe | 39% | 49 |
| #12 | FL45H | 33% | 15 |
| #13 | CJBK | 30% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hzdai | 15 | 0.0116 |
| #2 | Worlds worst HOI4 Player | 14 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | Ordinatis | 14 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | Legal Name | 6 | 0.0078 |
| #5 | Gabe | 4 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ordinatis | 330 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #2 | Legal Name | 231 | 0.30 | 5 min |
| #3 | Worlds worst HOI4 Player | 220 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #4 | hzdai | 141 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #5 | Gabe | 66 | 0.07 | 1 min |





