








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 146 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 67 matches | ||
| Premier | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1329 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,098 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2113 | 35% |
| Smokes | 833 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 1580 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1572 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $254,589 of utility $80 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 19 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FoxTraxi | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | Oshie | 75% | 8 |
| #3 | 2001 Honda Accord VTEC V6 | 69% | 13 |
| #4 | umbrz | 67% | 9 |
| #5 | K!A§ Da Llama | 62% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | UhNuke | 53% | 15 |
| #13 | bonsai | 51% | 35 |
| #14 | bender | 44% | 9 |
| #15 | MUGEN | 43% | 14 |
| #16 | iiTurnup | 42% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bonsai | 10 | 0.0136 |
| #2 | Grahvelli | 6 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | spydEr | 6 | 0.0067 |
| #4 | iiTurnup | 3 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | K!A§ Da Llama | 2 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Grahvelli | 483 | 0.32 | 14 min |
| #2 | partypickle | 180 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | K!A§ Da Llama | 152 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #4 | mahlolo | 93 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #5 | spydEr | 89 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | umbrz | +4.40 | 86 | 58 |
| #2 | K!A§ Da Llama | +2.73 | 86 | 56 |
| #3 | Grahvelli | +1.74 | 79 | 77 |
| #4 | bonsai | +1.61 | 81 | 56 |
| #5 | UhNuke | +1.35 | 73 | 47 |





