








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 295 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 98 matches | ||
| Premier | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3349 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,262 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5500 | 36% |
| Smokes | 3813 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2649 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 3300 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $300,897 of utility $47 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 807 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FoxTraxi | 67% | 39 |
| #2 | aux_13 | 65% | 17 |
| #3 | K!A§ Da Llama | 63% | 112 |
| #4 | bonsai | 63% | 54 |
| #5 | Choir ツ | 61% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | [fATwussy] Brzęczyszczykiewicz | 55% | 71 |
| #11 | z3r0_N | 52% | 23 |
| #12 | iiTurnup | 48% | 58 |
| #13 | UhNuke | 43% | 37 |
| #14 | neur0 | 41% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bonsai | 10 | 0.0090 |
| #2 | [fATwussy] Brzęczyszczykiewicz | 5 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | K!A§ Da Llama | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | partypickle | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | UhNuke | 4 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | K!A§ Da Llama | 381 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #2 | partypickle | 270 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #3 | [fATwussy] Brzęczyszczykiewicz | 261 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #4 | UhNuke | 140 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #5 | Choir ツ | 124 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | K!A§ Da Llama | +3.50 | 84 | 62 |
| #2 | z3r0_N | +2.24 | 88 | 66 |
| #3 | UhNuke | +1.87 | 79 | 48 |
| #4 | Grahvelli | +1.87 | 78 | 78 |
| #5 | Choir ツ | +1.70 | 72 | 74 |





