








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 85 matches | ||
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1678 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,893 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1672 | 34% |
| Smokes | 945 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1115 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1161 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $357,458 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 544 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swifty- | 71% | 14 |
| #2 | yATOS | 60% | 10 |
| #3 | Skiyyy | 56% | 25 |
| #4 | Heckster | 54% | 50 |
| #5 | Xcaptain | 50% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Xcaptain | 50% | 10 |
| #6 | CAJUN | 50% | 20 |
| #7 | M J B | 44% | 9 |
| #8 | unk | 31% | 13 |
| #9 | WhoShotYa | 10% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CAJUN | 6 | 0.0134 |
| #2 | unk | 4 | 0.0142 |
| #3 | swifty- | 2 | 0.0063 |
| #4 | M J B | 2 | 0.0100 |
| #5 | Heckster | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Heckster | 124 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #2 | CAJUN | 109 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| #3 | Skiyyy | 106 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #4 | swifty- | 65 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #5 | Xcaptain | 46 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swifty- | +4.20 | 88 | 62 |
| #2 | CAJUN | +2.67 | 82 | 78 |
| #3 | M J B | +1.44 | 71 | 68 |
| #4 | Xcaptain | +0.93 | 85 | 68 |
| #5 | unk | +0.24 | 84 | 59 |





