








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 191 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 167 matches | ||
| Faceit | 77 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3379 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,856 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2231 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2656 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2453 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2516 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $652,206 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 61 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | 66% | 71 |
| #2 | colo | 64% | 39 |
| #3 | SMAQUILLE O'DEAL | 60% | 20 |
| #4 | xTy | 60% | 25 |
| #5 | 95 oktan | 59% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | -FetaSnax | 52% | 23 |
| #12 | ♥ JEFF ♥ | 52% | 33 |
| #13 | Fartslinger420 | 51% | 39 |
| #14 | Poncho | 51% | 53 |
| #15 | luckue[K] | 50% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mister Unpersistent | 12 | 0.0057 |
| #2 | MR.JACKPOT | 11 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | 6 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | Believing Walter | 5 | 0.0045 |
| #5 | Fartslinger420 | 3 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | 251 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #2 | MR.JACKPOT | 183 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #3 | Poncho | 142 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | Fartslinger420 | 124 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #5 | Believing Walter | 115 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | luckue[K] | +1.67 | 84 | 71 |
| #2 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | +1.23 | 75 | 60 |
| #3 | MR.JACKPOT | +1.22 | 72 | 59 |
| #4 | NORSKIMEISTER | +0.84 | 76 | 61 |
| #5 | colo | +0.77 | 70 | 44 |





