








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 652 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 379 matches | ||
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4919 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,511 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4690 | 32% |
| Smokes | 3549 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2314 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 3958 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,270,388 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 136 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bork612 | 76% | 45 |
| #2 | NORSKIMEISTER | 66% | 71 |
| #3 | Mister Unpersistent | 55% | 195 |
| #4 | KsX | 55% | 51 |
| #5 | 95 oktan | 55% | 152 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Believing Walter | 19 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | Mister Unpersistent | 17 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Fartslinger420 | 11 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | Poncho | 7 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | NORSKIMEISTER | 6 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Poncho | 352 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #2 | Believing Walter | 337 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #3 | Fartslinger420 | 328 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #4 | Mister Unpersistent | 270 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #5 | 95 oktan | 259 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NORSKIMEISTER | +2.09 | 79 | 62 |
| #2 | MR.JACKPOT | +1.26 | 67 | 54 |
| #3 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | +1.17 | 77 | 59 |
| #4 | Fartslinger420 | +0.76 | 73 | 69 |
| #5 | bork612 | +0.71 | 69 | 57 |





