








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 370 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 457 matches | ||
| Wingman | 29 matches | ||
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 50 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5530 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,847 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3147 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3618 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3063 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 4019 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,598,886 of utility $213 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 313 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bork612 | 54% | 37 |
| #2 | NORSKIMEISTER | 54% | 52 |
| #3 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | 53% | 172 |
| #4 | SMAQUILLE O'DEAL | 52% | 92 |
| #5 | 95 oktan | 51% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | SMAQUILLE O'DEAL | 52% | 92 |
| #5 | 95 oktan | 51% | 82 |
| #6 | Mister Unpersistent | 49% | 320 |
| #7 | Poncho | 48% | 115 |
| #8 | Fartslinger420 | 46% | 153 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mister Unpersistent | 26 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | Fartslinger420 | 16 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | NORSKIMEISTER | 11 | 0.0100 |
| #4 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | 9 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Poncho | 7 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | 718 | 0.19 | 19 min |
| #2 | Mister Unpersistent | 463 | 0.07 | 10 min |
| #3 | Fartslinger420 | 419 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #4 | Poncho | 297 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #5 | NORSKIMEISTER | 171 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NORSKIMEISTER | +1.80 | 74 | 67 |
| #2 | Mister Unpersistent | +1.38 | 74 | 51 |
| #3 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | +1.10 | 74 | 60 |
| #4 | bork612 | +0.35 | 73 | 56 |
| #5 | 95 oktan | +0.20 | 72 | 57 |





