








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 352 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 455 matches | ||
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5288 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,554 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2795 | 22% |
| Smokes | 3815 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3251 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2693 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,090,984 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 721 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bork612 | 62% | 78 |
| #2 | MR.JACKPOT | 58% | 48 |
| #3 | NORSKIMEISTER | 58% | 100 |
| #4 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | 55% | 195 |
| #5 | KsX | 52% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | 95 oktan | 50% | 115 |
| #7 | Poncho | 50% | 108 |
| #8 | Believing Walter | 49% | 320 |
| #9 | SMAQUILLE O'DEAL | 48% | 54 |
| #10 | Fartslinger420 | 47% | 152 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Believing Walter | 33 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | Fartslinger420 | 17 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | 12 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | Poncho | 10 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | NORSKIMEISTER | 9 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | 779 | 0.19 | 21 min |
| #2 | Believing Walter | 583 | 0.08 | 12 min |
| #3 | Fartslinger420 | 446 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #4 | Poncho | 269 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #5 | NORSKIMEISTER | 264 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NORSKIMEISTER | +2.29 | 78 | 63 |
| #2 | Mister Unpersistent | +1.01 | 73 | 49 |
| #3 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | +0.93 | 76 | 58 |
| #4 | bork612 | +0.52 | 75 | 59 |
| #5 | MR.JACKPOT | +0.34 | 64 | 60 |





