








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 141 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 229 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2873 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,338 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2002 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1829 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2312 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2195 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $870,600 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 97 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 95 oktan | 52% | 46 |
| #2 | MR.JACKPOT | 51% | 35 |
| #3 | NORSKIMEISTER | 51% | 53 |
| #4 | KsX | 50% | 30 |
| #5 | Mister Unpersistent | 50% | 108 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Believing Walter | 48% | 115 |
| #8 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | 47% | 145 |
| #9 | ♥ JEFF ♥ | 47% | 15 |
| #10 | Fartslinger420 | 47% | 75 |
| #11 | SMAQUILLE O'DEAL | 39% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NORSKIMEISTER | 7 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | Believing Walter | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Mister Unpersistent | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Fartslinger420 | 5 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | 3 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | 621 | 0.19 | 16 min |
| #2 | Fartslinger420 | 235 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | Believing Walter | 192 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | Mister Unpersistent | 155 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | NORSKIMEISTER | 124 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MR.JACKPOT | +1.55 | 69 | 54 |
| #2 | Fartslinger420 | +1.36 | 79 | 70 |
| #3 | NORSKIMEISTER | +1.11 | 78 | 63 |
| #4 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | +1.09 | 77 | 58 |
| #5 | KsX | +0.93 | 82 | 62 |





