








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 224 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 84 matches | ||
| Faceit | 40 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1575 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,572 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 993 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1431 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1077 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1071 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $551,026 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 137 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | 76% | 45 |
| #2 | MR.JACKPOT | 63% | 16 |
| #3 | Mister Unpersistent | 62% | 78 |
| #4 | 95 oktan | 58% | 19 |
| #5 | Believing Walter | 54% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | 182 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #2 | -FetaSnax | 157 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | NORSKIMEISTER | 145 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | Mister Unpersistent | 91 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Believing Walter | 72 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NORSKIMEISTER | +1.92 | 72 | 62 |
| #2 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | +1.37 | 75 | 57 |
| #3 | MR.JACKPOT | +1.34 | 78 | 60 |
| #4 | Mister Unpersistent | +1.14 | 73 | 52 |
| #5 | Poncho | +0.86 | 74 | 54 |





